Gin Reviews

& tonic...

I was in Dean & DeLuca a few months back and (quite literally) stumbled across Q Tonic, at something exorbitant like $4.00 per 5 ounce bottle.  I understand that this is George W. Bush's America, and the rich are, indeed, getting richer, but is that really necessary?  Do we need a premium tonic on the market?  Does anyone need a premium tonic?

I bought a bottle and invited a few friends over, for a blind taste test, with and without gin.  My completely unscientific sample rated the following tonics in the following order:

1.  Whole Foods 365 Tonic Water
2.  Boylan's Tonic Water
3.  Canada Dry Tonic Water
4.  Q Tonic Water
5.  Hansen's Tonic Water

1.  I feel incredibly dirty recommending Whole Foods' in-house brand of tonic water as capo di tutti capi, but it was the most balanced and effervescent of all the tonics we tried.  It scores bonus points for being made with cane sugar.

2.  I was utterly shocked that Boylan's scored as highly in our little group as it did.  The first time I ever had Boylan's seltzer water, it reminded me of the first time I ever had New Jersey tap water at Newark Airport.  It's not bad, just...different.  Also made with cane sugar, Boylan's was overtly sweet on its own, but mysteriously mixed quite well with gin, and didn't overpower in any sense.

3.  Canada Dry is the staple tonic water here in the States.  (After the U.S. invaded Iraq, some forward-thinking Americans tried to ban all Canada Dry brands from being sold here, as Canada did not support said invasion.  Irony being what it is, Canada Dry has been owned by the British and bottled in Texas for years.)  The only way I can describe Canada Dry is by saying that I eat McDonald's once every six months or so.  I know what it's going to taste like, I know it's going to be mass-produced and chemically tested up the wazoo (or "hooha", if that's your preferred nomenclature), but I'm not disappointed.  Generally speaking, Canada Dry is my tonic of choice for that very reason.  Biggest negative:  made with high-fructose corn syrup.

4.  Q Tonic.  We thought it was bitter.  And certainly not worth $4.00 a bottle.  (Note:  You can find them for $10.00/4-pack at Whole Foods, but you have to reach past the Whole Foods 365 tonic water to get to it.)  Made with triple purified water, organic agave, Peruvian quinine (presumably from the bark of the cinchona tree, something for which I can only give hardcore brownie points), and a tiny frosted bottle reminiscent of a premium vodka.  I appreciate the general spirit this was made with, but it did not make my particular group of drunks feel like jetsetting billionaires.  Cisco, on the other hand...

5.  Hansen's Natural Soda.  No.  It tastes like candy.  And uses high-fructose corn syrup.

I appropriated the Israeli consulate's bomb deterrents to blurrily showcase my recycling.

Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head...

Bulldog, New Amsterdam, and a write-up on a handful of tonic waters, from Q to Boylan's to Canada Dry (with pictures!) and beyond coming soon.

As temperatures are reaching close to 100 degrees here in NYC, I thought I'd post a little something to take the edge off, straight from 1915:

Singapore Sling
1-1/2 jiggers Gin
1/2 jigger Fresh lime juice
3 jiggers Pineapple juice
1 drop Angostura bitter
1 dash Benedictine Dom
1 dash Cointreau
1/2 jigger Peter Heering              

Actually, reading that recipe, just...just go have a gin and tonic.  I will, too, and we'll catch up in a couple days.

Presidential Bearing III

President during Prohibition, Herbert Hoover regularly stopped by the Belgian embassy to imbibe legally on soil that did not belong to these United States.

Junipero Gin - Randy's Review

Junipero is like a punch in the gut.  A good punch, like Patton slapping a soldier suffering from "battle fatigue".  Sit up straight.  Keep your mouth closed when you chew.  Who cares if there's no sugar or milk in your coffee?

Drink it.

Gins like Junipero are what drew me to gin in the first place, and what motivated me to start this blog.  You can brand it, twist it, squeeze it, spin it, sex it up all you want, but at the end of the day, it's a serious drink for serious drinkers. 

Spanish for juniper, and named after Junipero Serra*, who founded and ran missions up and down California, Junipero (like 209) is distilled in the Bay Area and the brainchild of an entirely awesome human being.  In 1965, Anchor Steam Beer was was close to declaring bankruptcy when Fritz Maytag (of those Maytags) stepped in and said, "No."  In an age of McMansions and Timberlakes and excess and masturbation, it brings a tear to my eye when a multi-millionaire uses his fortune to make the world a better place. 

Fritz Maytag said no to Coors, Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch.

He said no to the closing of his favorite brewery.

He said no to moving the factory out of San Francisco.

He said no to jacking up the price when demand skyrocketed.

Fritz Maytag invented microbrewing.

The success of Anchor Brewing led to the opening of Anchor Distilling in the early nineties, and Junipero has been produced in that facility since 1997.  It's a fabu London Dry gin, with no eccentricities, overpowering flavors, or shortcomings.  It's insanely good, and any gin-lover will be quite pleased---conversely, those drab people who claim not to like the taste of gin will feel their nasal passages alight. 

And I'm all right with that.  And so is Patton.

It puts hair on your chest.

5 out of 5.

*Father Serra eventually died of a snakebite and was buried under the floor of Mission Carmel, setting off a chain of events that would result in Clint Eastwood's mayorship of that city.

New York - The Oyster Bar

You have a drink in the Oyster Bar to say that you had a drink in the Oyster Bar. It's rather like visiting the Grand Canyon.

There is a presence and a tension; you can't help but imagine ad men and stockbrokers and Yale professors, people of bygone eras, problems, and worlds, but at the same time, you come away feeling hollow.  Hollow because you're not really a part of this place's mystique, and the battery of sensations you've experienced thanks to television, out-of-home advertising, Lindsay Lohan, etc., have muted* your own existence and made you a voyeur.

It's there.    It's there, and there are a dozen other places you could go within 2 minutes walk, but it's necessary.  And loud.  And feels like flipping through Grandma's photo albums.

"Who's that?"
"That'd be...your great uncle...no, wait...that'd be..."
"Who's that?"
"That?  I...well, I don't know who that is..."
"And that?"
"My eyes are tired."

*Ironic asterisk: the Oyster Bar is LOUD.  If you're looking for an intimate setting, with a little better selection of gin, head upstairs to the Campbell Apartment or Michael Jordan's.

Kansas City Ice Water

An ounce* of gin.
An ounce* of vodka.
A dash of lime.
Top off the glass with 7 Up.

The above is posted because IT'S 94 FUCKING DEGREES IN NEW YORK CITY TODAY.

*In this sense, "ounce" is purely a relative term, reliant on your personal preference, tolerance, and just how long you want to be in jail for.

Dogfish Jin - Randy's Review

You can't really blame a bunch of alcoholics for not regularly updating their blog, can you?

They make...beer?

Huh.

This would actually taste really good with ham, or some sort of brunch dish.  With ham.

3.5 out of 5.  Surprisingly cute.

5 O'Clock Gin - Randy's Review

5 O'Clock Gin tastes like the gasping burning sensation you have in your throat right before you drown.

If you buy this, you're either an alcoholic or...

I can't think of any other reason.  If you buy 5 O'Clock Gin, it's because you're an alcoholic.

0.3 out of 5.0.

Aviation Gin - Randy's Review

I am a good guy.  I am.  I very rarely hold grudges, and I'm more than willing to go back and re-evaluate first impressions which may have been unfair.

Aviation Gin was facing incredibly tough odds last night.  I worked a 12 hour day, and around 8 p.m. my eyes had actually stopped focusing.  Certain moments in your life necessitate alcohol, and I was mired in such last night.  Too, I had to reach past a bottle of 209 to get to Aviation. 

I fought for you.  I did.  It reminded me of the other day, when I really wanted cookie dough ice cream, because I really like cookie dough ice cream.  I'd never tried honey ice cream, and I am entirely cognizant of the fact I can be hit by a bus at any moment and am quite possibly denying myself sensations and experiences which could teach me more about my valuable time on this earth. 

I got honey ice cream; I got Aviation Gin.

I'm not going to mince or wax eloquent.  Drank straight, it's unique, fruity, and kind of snarky, if that makes sense.  It feels as though it's crafted by people who know what gin is supposed to taste like and go, "Yeah, okay, that's been done.  Here's how we're making our gin."  Zeppelin and the Beatles are cool, and all, but we're Sonic Youth.

In a gin and tonic, however, it was absolutely abysmal.  Worse than my Zuidam experience.  The tonic and the FLAVOR of Aviation didn't mix, and I wound up with a mouthful of that taste you get when you don't want to spend $3 for a sodapop and just mix Splenda with the tap water your waitress brought you.  It's a jenever-ish gin, so I'm not surprised, and I think the distillers may be trying to shatter some preconceived notions of what gin should be.  That said, I can't imagine dropping an olive and some vermouth in a glass with this.  (But I will for science at some point.  Science.)

From what I've dug up on the internetz, the gin is created by a couple of guys out Portland, Oregon way, made in small batches using juniper berries imported from Norway, and botanicals including cardamom, anise, orange, orange, and orange.

I hope they continue to kick ass and take names, because variety is the spice of life.  It's not my kinda gin, but I respect what they're doing, and I respect the spirit they're doing it with.

3.5-3.75 out of 5.0 on its own.

1.0-1.5 out of 5.0 in a gin and tonic. 

And that's okay.

Remember...

This blog is a celebration of the authors' affinity for gin.  We are neither authorities nor epicures, but drunks.  Pretentious drunks, drunks whose opinions waver and are unreliable, and more than likely, quite sad drunks.

I repeat:  this. is. a. blog.