Farmer’s Gin Review

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“Smallville Gin”

Farmer’s Gin has that old world appeal with hard working, rustic greens, grains and Grit. True Grit. No Nuts about it. It’s cerified organic by the USDA and has two new coming ingredients Elderflower and Lemongrass which take my back to my late teens when I was trying new things.


Nice shapes including green bordered diamond, circle, oval and rectangle on the bottle, telling us they have the tools of the trade to make a great gin. Going green is what this gin is all about and you can see the select botanicals in organic balance. Crop gatherer hits home with each botanical being collected and a clear bottle displaying it’s liquid contents


Not much going on in the smell department, almost like light smokiness with menthol when you breath out. I kind of thought of light cigarettes and tobacco, but with no added chemicals.  Vapor action like vicks vapor rub, but so light it’s hardly there. Smells Fresh like laundry, pleasant and pleasing.


Juicy Citrus like biting into fresh fruit. It reminded me of juicy fruit gum with waves of spiciness and spike of burn. But still keeping it’s pleasant matters. It’s enough to make you want to continue and drink more.


Spiciness Continues and makes you want to drink more to cool it off. It’s only logical. Refreshing and exhilarating, after a hard days work, this would be a great gin to cool off with, reflecting on you reap what you sow.


Spiciness just doesn’t stop and gears toward additional consumption. Grasping the bottle feeling heavy glass and nostalgic feel of paper label. It’s sort of an eye opening, awakening experience with spice that is there, but it doesn’t knock you on your ass, it makes you go back for more.

Final Thought: An interesting approach to a classic spirit. We love the spiciness that complements the juniper giving it a great interpretation on gin. Great Surprise with the Green Movement, we look forward to remarkable cocktails being made with this spirit.


  • Extra Spicy
  • All Organic
  • Bottled on Earth Day
  • Unique Ingredients of Elderflower and Lemon Grass
  • Might Land you a date with Hippy Chick at Whole Foods or Trader Joes


  • Word of Mouth Advertising is all it’s got

Twelve Angry Gins are a collection of a dozen gins that are up against each other for our Seal of Approval.

Right Gin Review

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“Not Right Gin”

You wake up with a screaming hangover in a seedy hotel room. The VIP party you were invited to resulted in a lost wallet, pounding headache, and wet trousers.

You’re out to sea, the boat stops, you yell “LAND HO” but the only Ho you get is the storm brewing in your belly. And this tempest is about to get out.


The bottle rocks out eye appealing design of a Supermodel on a highway billboard. It looks great, there’s beautiful contrast. Top end, fully featured style, that is just pleasant to look at. Everything down to the different textures of the label going across the logo.

But as the old joke goes, “Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup”  Musca domestica Linnaeus is spotted on the  bottom right, reminds me of Land Ho’s and sea sick experiences.


Reminds me of washing my face in a dirty gas station with streaks on the mirror, and smelling urinal cakes from the toilet.
When this is your only option, you’re better off drinking mouthwash. Like a club girl wearing overbearing cheap perfume, you are violated before you even get to make the first move. Pounding headaches forming, you’ve got to escape this disaster.


You’re greeted with a simple try to get you to like it, but there’s something chemically enhanced in this, like poison ivy’s special blend from batman. It’s overpowering sweetness in the beginning makes me question it’s true motives. The Headache is intensifying


Bland like licking an envelope, there’s no depth here, just a black hole abyss. Danger Will Robinson, you’re spidey senses tingling. There’s too much citrus to make any sense of this. The maximum sweetness is like an artificial flavor that will give you cluster headaches. My headache is turning volatile.


Welcome to the Migraine. Envelop taste still lingers, and I grasp for the water. i pour the rest of the gin back into the bottle, because it was too intense to stand much longer.

Final Thought: If you want to experience a wrong way to do thing’s look no further than Right Gin. There is a right way to do things, and unfortunately Right Gin isn’t it.


  • It’s over
  • Never have to do this again
  • We learned our lesson
  • Once is enough
  • Time to Move on


  • Wrong Time, Wrong Place

Twelve Angry Gins are a collection of a dozen gins that are up against each other for our Seal of Approval.

Zuidam Gin Review

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“Vanilla Ice of Gins”

“Flavors peak at different temperatures and if you throw everything together in the still, you end up with a dominance of juniper and a gin that is out of balance. By distilling separately, we get the purest flavors from all our ingredients. We are the only gin that I am aware of that uses vanilla—and we use only pure vanilla beans—not extracts. It is by far our most expensive ingredient. The vanilla knits the flavors together it makes a smoother gin that is more ‘one’”. -Patrick van Zuidam


Zuidam wins for most font’s used on a gin bottle, we counted 14. Which is the same number of  distillations (5 for the base spirit and 9 individual distillations for each botanical. Having the ability to lure use in with a logo that resembles tick tac toe and Purina, This patriotic Rubic’s cube has everything from spice, citrus and today’s secret ingredient: Vanilla.

Long strokes of a painter’s brush display legs off the glass.  Hints that is well made, and well thought out. 6 weeks in a stainless steel to come together in harmony.


A sort of creaminess comes to mind pushing a medium sense of alcohol urgency. Like shoveling you through the door, to gain good seats at the play. Vanilla strudel with fine ginger candy, and lemon gum drops lend the classic approach to the corner candy store. Whole fruit is used in the process not dry peel and the vanilla delivers a silky touch of  night wear. I thought of a bedroom the second floor with windows open, and a balcony overlooking an orchard, breezes carrying all the wonderful ingredients for you to let your senses run wild.


Presentation of Citrus explosion like tuning a piano, many keys are combined to make sure there is uniform. Strong upfront with almost an aggressive chase that moves gradually into midpalate and whispers away. Lemon flavored whipped cream. 6 weeks of stainless steel do this justice as you sit down in your seats.


Oranges and lemons sooth a sore throat from multiple performances, and things only get better.  A sudden vision of pizza pie hits me, and I can think of oregano, garlic, lemon with calamari, seems to be a great accompaniment to deep dish chicago style pizza. Must be the coriander taking me to Morocco.


Vanilla still lingering in the background, but nothing that hangs around like a bad penny.  Some tingles here and there, and it’s quite pleasant but I would say the aftertaste for me sticks around for 15+ seconds.  It the throat and into the stomach it coats and is incredibility smooth, light weight, silky, with tons of energy that sizzles.

Final Thought: A harmonious gin that is sure to turn a few heads. Using vanilla, we could see many an interesting cocktails and food pairings, from Italian food to desert. Could be a cannoli’s secret weapon. Even thought this is from holland, we could see a gateway of possibilities.


  • Definitely Different because of distillation, ingredients, and aging.
  • Would turn a few non gin drinker’s into gin drinkers
  • Solid Business Plan with former De Kuyper Master Distiller for 30 years
  • Tradition meets modern Twist
  • Fine line of Mixer and Main Ingrediant


  • The Bottle doesn’t do it justice

Twelve Angry Gins are a collection of a dozen gins that are up against each other for our Seal of Approval.

Kline’s Korner #2: Swordfish Review

Klines Korner #2

Swordfish Review

207 North Randall Road
Batavia, IL 60510-9296
(630) 406-6463


I’ve never been a fan of seafood in general. When I was a younger, my family took many a trips to Florida for the summer, and yet I always ordered Popcorn Shrimp.  I suppose it was the fact that I always enjoyed Pepper and never Salt.  When you come close to drowing because your Father is trying to recreate a scene from Jaws, it’s safe to assume that you have a distaste for all things salty.

Fear not readers, I eat fish all the time on Sat-ur-day nights after my field trips to downtown Naperville.

However, it is with complex irony that I write a review about a Sushi restaurant off Randall Road titled Swordfish.

I recently invaded this establishment on a “whim date” with a young girl.

That is to say it was my last chance and I dressed to impress.

At first entrance, it seemed like the rest of the recent trendy Sushi houses of the Chi land.

The gentleman who seated us was quite awkward, handing us off to the owner. We chatted for a bit, commenting on how long they had actually been at this location.  She seemed nice, but came off as though she had been there to long during the days.

The lighting was dark, and intimate.

The mood was set. As usual, I stated that it was our first time there.

(Editors Note: This is to ensure that you receive great treatment, and that you seem in control of the situation infront of said girl. This will hopefully mean better finger banging later.)

At first glance, the menu is intimidating. Appetizers, beverages, and sweets are in their appropriate spaces, but the sushi rolls are named after teddy bears, dildos, and terrible action films staring Arnold and Bruce Willis.

When in doubt in Japanese steakhouses, crack a joke about the River Kwai and stick to meats you feel comfortable about.

Avoid Eel, anything with “special” sauce, and rolls ending in Mitsubishi.

Rolls named after states, the city you are currently in, and U.S. presidents are fair game.

Remember, sushi is filling, start slow and leave a menu at the table. Treat it like tapas.

And practice your chop stick skills, if all else fails, grab a fork. There is no need to become a neanderthal.

We aren’t left alone, and yet aren’t overly bothered with helpful staff.

When the food comes to our table, I notice the wonderful presentation. Everything on the plate is edible, save for the candle wrapped in a raddish peel. There’s your usual suspects such as the artistically cut apple, and the ginger arranged to mimick a rosebud.

I watch in agony as my date, a self proclaimed “sushi nut”, struggles mightily with her chopsticks. I propose a rubber band, to which she shrugs it off and gives it her best.

The rolls are crafted beautifully, and the shrimp tempura roll is especially delicious.  Strange enough, the roll was titled “Very Special Roll” to which I strongly recommend.  Playing it safe we dive into our California Rolls.  What stood out to me, aside from the presentation, was the sheer design of these said rolls.  For me, I loathe having a roll fall apart in soy sauce, becoming structurally unsound when travelling to your palette. However, none such problems arouse here.

The flavors were excellent, and we often fought over the last roll.

At this point in the meal, my water is being filled and I am enjoying the atmosphere immensly. The music of particular, is profound. It seems as though each sushi house has its similar qualities and yet differ from eachother.

Swordfish takes pride in its atmosphere, and the rolls truly are delicious and “special”.  A very creative take on Japanese food, and the pricing is reasonable.

In conclusion, it is a perfect sushi house off the normal trail of your typical cookie cutter suburban trendy locations.


Take a date there, enjoy a Sapporo, and enjoy the atmosphere.


Its affordable, and you might eat box afterwards.


I’ll see you before you see me.



Sacred Gin Review

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“Royal Purple”


“Sacred Gin is flavored with 12 different botanicals including Juniper, Cardamom, Nutmeg, and Boswellia Sacra (aka Hougary Frankincense) from which the product name is derived.” This sounds like quite the elegant treat but we were a little confused that the back of the bottle says 9 botanicals, while the front says 12. We went to the website to verify 12.

Visual Inspection: Bottle is clear with a royal purple label and black and gold seal. It’s nice to see each bottle have a unique number for tracking and enjoyment, a change of pace from mass-produced gins. Microdistillery and Hand distilled ring true letting you know this gin has had special treatment, like the first-born of Mary and Joseph.

Aroma: Sands of time with Prince of Persia visions cloud the mind. The sort of a mystery to this gin, and it’s not how to program your VCR. No, this is much more like the Immaculate Conception. We were able to pick up lemon, lime and orange, and a certain sense of spiciness that is unique to this gin. Reminds us the vanilla waffer cookies that had creamy frosting on the inside. Brings us back to the infant stage, when everything was new.

Taste: Very smooth going in, like slipping on a sock that has perfect fitting, followed by a pair of boots, getting ready to go play in the snow. A contrast of warm cooling like a gust of wind that hits your bare face allowing you to know you are alive. No selfish giving here, as it gives all it has pleasing your palate. I’m amazed with how clean the water tastes in this marvelous gin. Something I would like to experiment with tea.

Afterthoughts: A slight numbing and tingle like dancing elves frolicking around in your mouth, there is something enchanting about this gin. A truly magic experience that puts all your faith into a glass.

Overall Experience: A certain calmness overcame me to handle the most difficult crisis. When you’re on the run, and a King without a crown. Brillant



  • It’s not Kosher


Twelve Angry Gins are a collection of a dozen gins that are up against each other for our Seal of Approval.