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About Josh Kline

Kline’s Korner! An editorial blog if you will offering advice on all facets of today’s world.

Fashion, Entertainment, and World News.

Questions, Comments, and Concerns are always welcome.

Kline’s Korner #2: Swordfish Review

Klines Korner #2

Swordfish Review

207 North Randall Road
Batavia, IL 60510-9296
(630) 406-6463

 

I’ve never been a fan of seafood in general. When I was a younger, my family took many a trips to Florida for the summer, and yet I always ordered Popcorn Shrimp.  I suppose it was the fact that I always enjoyed Pepper and never Salt.  When you come close to drowing because your Father is trying to recreate a scene from Jaws, it’s safe to assume that you have a distaste for all things salty.

Fear not readers, I eat fish all the time on Sat-ur-day nights after my field trips to downtown Naperville.

However, it is with complex irony that I write a review about a Sushi restaurant off Randall Road titled Swordfish.

I recently invaded this establishment on a “whim date” with a young girl.

That is to say it was my last chance and I dressed to impress.

At first entrance, it seemed like the rest of the recent trendy Sushi houses of the Chi land.

The gentleman who seated us was quite awkward, handing us off to the owner. We chatted for a bit, commenting on how long they had actually been at this location.  She seemed nice, but came off as though she had been there to long during the days.

The lighting was dark, and intimate.

The mood was set. As usual, I stated that it was our first time there.

(Editors Note: This is to ensure that you receive great treatment, and that you seem in control of the situation infront of said girl. This will hopefully mean better finger banging later.)

At first glance, the menu is intimidating. Appetizers, beverages, and sweets are in their appropriate spaces, but the sushi rolls are named after teddy bears, dildos, and terrible action films staring Arnold and Bruce Willis.

When in doubt in Japanese steakhouses, crack a joke about the River Kwai and stick to meats you feel comfortable about.

Avoid Eel, anything with “special” sauce, and rolls ending in Mitsubishi.

Rolls named after states, the city you are currently in, and U.S. presidents are fair game.

Remember, sushi is filling, start slow and leave a menu at the table. Treat it like tapas.

And practice your chop stick skills, if all else fails, grab a fork. There is no need to become a neanderthal.

We aren’t left alone, and yet aren’t overly bothered with helpful staff.

When the food comes to our table, I notice the wonderful presentation. Everything on the plate is edible, save for the candle wrapped in a raddish peel. There’s your usual suspects such as the artistically cut apple, and the ginger arranged to mimick a rosebud.

I watch in agony as my date, a self proclaimed “sushi nut”, struggles mightily with her chopsticks. I propose a rubber band, to which she shrugs it off and gives it her best.

The rolls are crafted beautifully, and the shrimp tempura roll is especially delicious.  Strange enough, the roll was titled “Very Special Roll” to which I strongly recommend.  Playing it safe we dive into our California Rolls.  What stood out to me, aside from the presentation, was the sheer design of these said rolls.  For me, I loathe having a roll fall apart in soy sauce, becoming structurally unsound when travelling to your palette. However, none such problems arouse here.

The flavors were excellent, and we often fought over the last roll.

At this point in the meal, my water is being filled and I am enjoying the atmosphere immensly. The music of particular, is profound. It seems as though each sushi house has its similar qualities and yet differ from eachother.

Swordfish takes pride in its atmosphere, and the rolls truly are delicious and “special”.  A very creative take on Japanese food, and the pricing is reasonable.

In conclusion, it is a perfect sushi house off the normal trail of your typical cookie cutter suburban trendy locations.

 

Take a date there, enjoy a Sapporo, and enjoy the atmosphere.

 

Its affordable, and you might eat box afterwards.

 

I’ll see you before you see me.

 

Jkline

Kline’s Korner #1 – Concert Do’s and Don’ts

When going to a concert in Chicago, it’s best to plan ahead. All of the greatest decisions in History have featured effective planning and execution. From D-Day, OJ’s White Bronco Chase, Ted Bundy’s Florida “Vacaion”, and all of Christopher Nolans cinematic masterpieces, these great moments of the past exhibits concrete evidence leads us to believe that no detail shall be left unturned. Without further delay, we delve into the first edition of Kline’s Korner! An editorial blog if you will offering advice on all facets of today’s world.

Fashion, Entertainment, and World News.

Questions, Comments, and Concerns are always welcome.

Do-Plan ahead for traffic.

Illinois drivers are notorious for being erratic. It’s no wonder we are known as ”FIBS” (also my clan tag in COD:Black Ops).

Avoid the tri-state at all costs, pick venues that have parking and allow tailgating, unless of course you are a recovering alcoholic, in which case leave yourself 2 plus hours for traffic.

Don’t get sucked into driving your parents mini van with shot breaks to attend a concert at Tinley Park. More on this later.

Do-Ask the ticket handler repeatedly if they have the tickets. At this point it is best to give tickets to a girl in the party with a lock down purse.

Don’t-Buy ”X” from a guy with dreadlocks and a hemp leash around his dog. He’s a cop.

Do- Take the train and public transportation. Meet Metra, your new bff. What’s not to like? You can booze on the train in the open while mothers nursing their young stare at you chugging Jaeger. The robot conductor alerts you of your destination. You can stare at all of the pretty girls boarding the train starting right around Wheaton. And if you end up going home with a 17 year old from that ”Girltalk” concert, you can upgrade to a weekend pass and meet her parents!!

Don’t-Eat ”Subway” on Clark st. with giardiniera on ur sub. Unless you plan on pooping at the Vic.

Do-Have an exit strategy, in case people start getting trampled

Don’t-Invite a girl that dances like Elaine off ”Seinfeld”

Do-Grab food at a greasy spoon diner in the Chi. The concert will command the night, but what’s best sometimes is dissecting what you just saw, with cheap food and great friends. Editor’s Note: You’ll need a place to come down off the PCP you bought from the guy with dreads.

Don’t-Be that guy, puking before the show even starts, turning shades of green that have never been seen before.
It’s a sprint, not a marathon folks.

Do-Attempt to sneak backstage/into a certain section in which you don’t have tickets to. It’s a rush, and worse case scenario, you get a slap on the wrist from the 350 lb bouncer named ”Tiny”.

Don’t-Sing along to your favorite song at the top of your lungs. We didn’t pay to see you asshole.

and finally

Do buy a T-Shirt, grab something you’ll remember the night by, and support the band. After Ticketmaster rapes you on service charges, the band sees a small amount of the take from the gate.

That, and tip your sound board operator.

That’s it folks, summer concerts are around the corner. Post the shows you are attending this summer season, and which ones you hope to see!

Comments accepted.

I’ll see you before you see me.

Stay classy gin reviewers,

JKline