Kline’s Korner #1 – Concert Do’s and Don’ts

When going to a concert in Chicago, it’s best to plan ahead. All of the greatest decisions in History have featured effective planning and execution. From D-Day, OJ’s White Bronco Chase, Ted Bundy’s Florida “Vacaion”, and all of Christopher Nolans cinematic masterpieces, these great moments of the past exhibits concrete evidence leads us to believe that no detail shall be left unturned. Without further delay, we delve into the first edition of Kline’s Korner! An editorial blog if you will offering advice on all facets of today’s world.

Fashion, Entertainment, and World News.

Questions, Comments, and Concerns are always welcome.

Do-Plan ahead for traffic.

Illinois drivers are notorious for being erratic. It’s no wonder we are known as ”FIBS” (also my clan tag in COD:Black Ops).

Avoid the tri-state at all costs, pick venues that have parking and allow tailgating, unless of course you are a recovering alcoholic, in which case leave yourself 2 plus hours for traffic.

Don’t get sucked into driving your parents mini van with shot breaks to attend a concert at Tinley Park. More on this later.

Do-Ask the ticket handler repeatedly if they have the tickets. At this point it is best to give tickets to a girl in the party with a lock down purse.

Don’t-Buy ”X” from a guy with dreadlocks and a hemp leash around his dog. He’s a cop.

Do- Take the train and public transportation. Meet Metra, your new bff. What’s not to like? You can booze on the train in the open while mothers nursing their young stare at you chugging Jaeger. The robot conductor alerts you of your destination. You can stare at all of the pretty girls boarding the train starting right around Wheaton. And if you end up going home with a 17 year old from that ”Girltalk” concert, you can upgrade to a weekend pass and meet her parents!!

Don’t-Eat ”Subway” on Clark st. with giardiniera on ur sub. Unless you plan on pooping at the Vic.

Do-Have an exit strategy, in case people start getting trampled

Don’t-Invite a girl that dances like Elaine off ”Seinfeld”

Do-Grab food at a greasy spoon diner in the Chi. The concert will command the night, but what’s best sometimes is dissecting what you just saw, with cheap food and great friends. Editor’s Note: You’ll need a place to come down off the PCP you bought from the guy with dreads.

Don’t-Be that guy, puking before the show even starts, turning shades of green that have never been seen before.
It’s a sprint, not a marathon folks.

Do-Attempt to sneak backstage/into a certain section in which you don’t have tickets to. It’s a rush, and worse case scenario, you get a slap on the wrist from the 350 lb bouncer named ”Tiny”.

Don’t-Sing along to your favorite song at the top of your lungs. We didn’t pay to see you asshole.

and finally

Do buy a T-Shirt, grab something you’ll remember the night by, and support the band. After Ticketmaster rapes you on service charges, the band sees a small amount of the take from the gate.

That, and tip your sound board operator.

That’s it folks, summer concerts are around the corner. Post the shows you are attending this summer season, and which ones you hope to see!

Comments accepted.

I’ll see you before you see me.

Stay classy gin reviewers,

JKline

Avatar of Josh Kline About Josh Kline

Kline’s Korner! An editorial blog if you will offering advice on all facets of today’s world.

Fashion, Entertainment, and World News.

Questions, Comments, and Concerns are always welcome.

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